Agathodaimonion ~ 31 January 2013

Finally, we are getting somewhere. I don't ever consciously play games in my speech acts, unless it is facetious teasing of someone I like. However, I tend towards brutal honesty which confuses people at times. I feel neither powerless nor powerful nor wish to view or believe this reality I observe is guided by power. The only power I've come to understand and believe in is the size of an atomic ion, therefore insensible to our perceptions. I grant it that size but truly it has no physical reality, it is simply and purely spirit, daimonion, or agathodaimonion (look it up in Wikipedia). Socrates had a daimonion that guided him in his life to make certain ethical choices over others. I believe that in this life, there have been so many moments that things could have turned out differently, & I would either be dead or severely injured. I've been extremely lucky, fortunate, in some respects, and just the opposite in others. Like everyone else in this world, I didn't choose my body, my mind or my persona, but the choices I've made in the past, either consciously or unconsciously, have shaped all three aspects of my being. My heart is both a physical object and a metaphorical/symbolic one. Obviously, to be open-hearted does not occur solely on the operating table. This is a goal in my life, for I know that I'm far too cerebral for others to see my true nature. Probably a defense mechanism learned in childhood to cope with the unspoken dysfunctional behaviors in my family as I grew up. So, though I've read many books on Chinese and Japanese Buddhism, I see myself as a 'bad buddhist' though I disavow myself of all religions to appreciate others, and distance myself from what I see as hypocrisy and beliefs that tend to view the world in terms of power & the struggle for power (Mein Kampf, an under-read book, owned by multitudes, but not known for the hatred and virulent anti-semitism within, written by one Adolf Hitler). Religion, to me, is the root cause for all the wars we see in the newspapers, that and nationalism or chauvinism or tribal animosities. They all boil down to a misunderstanding about power and that violence is an assertion of power, which is simply misguided. The spirit that guides my life is imperceptible to the senses, but I intuit a presence that is inexplicable and choose to create an answer, a mythology, of an agent that is not anthropomorphic in any way, this I call daimonion, after my encounter with Czeslaw Milosz, the Polish Nobel Laureate poet who told me this is what inspires him, daimonion. I didn't understand at the time but nearly 20 years later, I realize the meaning of his one work answer to my question, "what inspires you?" and the seeming smirk on his face as he walked away after signing my book. Perhaps he is the key for me to comprehending this reality now as I turn 44 this year. All I know is my daimonion is a power within me and outside of me, a guiding force that opens doors only when I'm ready, and creates difficulties and painful sorrows for me to overcome. Some call this God, I don't believe in that word in any way, shape or form. But you speak of power & believing in our powerfulness instead of our powerlessness. My daimonion is much like the Tao, a force that is incomprehensible other than by mystics and poets and spiritual seers. It may not exist at all and is a fancy of my imagination, that I will grant. But still, something brought me all the way from India, to the US to experience and learn and meet all that I have, instead of growing up in the country of my birth. This something is not just my parents, the surface expanation, to why I am here and survived all these years. The explanation of depth, a metaphysical one, for me is daimonion, the guiding spirit, force and yes, power in my life. At this point, this is the one thing that I believe in, a myth passed down and bequeathed by someone far more intelligent and eloquent than myself. It is a gift I hope to appreciate the rest of my days. This is the big picture for me. A puzzle that I've struggled with until it all clicked just before New Year's Eve this last year. I hope this helps you see where I'm coming from, much walking allows me to think in solitude, a peripatetic philosophy.